In episode #45, Chad shares his personal struggle with powerlessness over alcohol, mental obsession of controlling his drinking, a lot of trial and error (relapses), and the insidious insanity of that first drink.
"The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink."